Changes are fucking hard. Oh man.
It's super bad when you want to change your haircut, it's a whole new level of suckage when your life gets the rug pulled out from beneath your feet.
Sometimes, I wonder how I haven't taken the fast lane to purgatory.
The past few years have been just as, and honestly, even tougher than I've had to face before. Why I have to tear apart my whole world every few years is beyond me.
I'm not sure who I should blame for all the ruination. Clearly, I am the only common denominator. I am getting better at accepting that.
I've tried so hard to make everyone else happy. I failed them all, miserably, publicly, and horribly. I was never concerned with what I actually wanted in life. I didn't ever think about myself, it was not allowed. I only ever thought about what I thought everyone I loved and cared for needed and wanted.
Boy, that was not the right answer.
My health has taken a real beating. Mentally and physically. My finances have gone up and down again. My relationships have been a real roller-coaster ride.
I mean, food allergies, severe chronic pain, long covid, memory loss, severe depression and anxiety, weight gain, hamstring injuries, severe allergies coming out of the woodwork, surgery, massive family disputes, alcohol and drugs, business collapse, eviction, rage attacks, panic attacks, nightmares, ptsd, shame, guilt, pain, failure, defeat and illness. It's really been something.
I have fought and fought to do what I thought everyone expected of me, and it's nearly killed me.
I'm ready to do for me. It's time.
