Last night, I had a very strange dream.
I fear I have no place to share it other than here.
I should prelude this story by telling you that my only sister committed suicide ten years ago, at the age of 31.
I found myself in a dingy, dark classroom. Sitting at a student desk. It was populated by people I know, most of them are still living. They were milling about while I just sat there, wondering what was going on, feeling a little out of place and confused. This was quite the lucid dream, as I can remember feeling the cool smoothness of the desk, hearing the muttering and the shuffling of the feet of the people in the room with me. Feeling too hot as I became embarassed that I seemed to be the only one who was confused.... all that.
Someone said, "Betsy's here."
"Where is she?" I answered.
I looked behind me down the aisle of desks, and here came my sister, walking towards me.
She looked alive, but dead all at the same time. Her color was pale, her skin was rotting and dehydrated, but she moved as though she was alive.
As she came towards me, I made the conscious decision not to take offense at her clearly rotting condition. I was just so happy to see her. I took both of her icy hands and held them in my own. "I've missed you so much." I said.
"I know you have" she answered. Now, I was graced with a flash of her whole face, only this time, she looked exactly as she had when she was living. I told her how young she looked, and that I was so much older than her now. She said she knew, that was what was supposed to happen.
I followed her into another classroom. I was aware that our grandparents were in the room. One set looked as they had when I was a child, grey haired, a little old, but not as bad as they had been when they died. The other set both were young, in their 30's.
I noticed that none of them appeared to be rotting like her. I asked her about this.
She said, "Oh, yeah. That's because they can go wherever they want to." I asked why she couldn't. She said, "Oh, well, I'm stuck here for another 19 years or so... but who's counting."
She led me past more familiar faces, I heard more voices muttering... very strange.
She sat me on the floor in a dingy, dark corner and handed me a basket of laundry. She said, " we need to do your laundry."
Ok, I thought, let's do laundry.
I started folding the clothes, and was surprised when it was my children's baby clothes. Items they used to wear when they were just babies. She had me place them in an invisible bag, that I could see my hand through, but not the clothes.
I woke up in tears.
I wish I knew what it meant.
