I'm so lonely

I hate to say it,  but I have to admit I did what I did for him so I wouldn't be alone. 

It didn't work. 

I've never been so alone.   

I'm sorry

I wish I knew how to make him a man.   I wish I knew how to do the right things to be his woman

I don't. 

I'm in pain everyday because I have to sleep downstairs on the couch in the filthy pit we call a home.  

He has no goals,  no dreams, no future.   He only wants to be a boy in his parent's basement.   

Lord,  if it be your will,  let him go home. 

Lord,  please help me find my home. 

survival mode

It seems that Doug is finally learning the value of a dollar, at least in his own way.

I can't believe how long I spoiled him - I didn't ever think there were any other options.

He still manipulates just fine.  Me, his mom, whoever he can.  I don't know how much longer I can do this.  I used to justify this stuff because I brought a kid to care for.  Therefore, all the responsibility lied on me.  Now, it's been just us.  It's awful.

I'm sad a lot. I'm lonely all the time.  I am not allowed to sleep in a bed.  I'm in pain everyday from the couch.  He hates every word that comes out of my mouth, unless it's "what can I do for you".

I'm fucking tired.  I raised kids.  This guy.  Idk anymore.  He can even manage being out of bed for more than a work day.  

I want a real life.  With real goals, real plans, a real home.  

I'm on my own, as always, with all that.

Whatever.  I'm doing it to myself at this point.   I just don't know how much longer I can manage.