was it 2018?

It may have been as far back as 2012, or even farther. Maybe clear back when I got here in 77. I'm not sure.

I know I had some weird experiences. I know 

I didn't have choices.

I'm fucking 45 years old now. I don't care what happened. I don't care who did what to who. I don't care how fucked up it was.  

It's time to forgive. All the way. All of it.

I want to live for me now. I've given way too much of my time to feel like shit over things I can't change, can't erase, can't undo.  

I forgive it all. I forgive them all. 

I forgive myself.

The past is gone, thank God.  

Why am i so scared? So many stupid questions. Do I even know who I am? Aren't I what those things made me? Was I something else before all that? How do I forgive? How can I possibly allow myself to live for myself? Shame. Guilt. Fear. Fuck it.